Feb 14 (Day 12):
I’m really sad…like “little kid” sad. Why? It’s February 14th, and my husband and I aren’t together. For most couples, Valentine’s Day is just another fun holiday: you go out to dinner, you exchange gifts or cards and have a nice night together. But for Leon and me, Valentine’s Day is also our anniversary, so it’s a pretty big deal. Twelve years ago today, Leon proposed to me on the streets of Paris. And two years ago today, we moved there as man and wife. For us Valentine’s Day isn’t just a “greeting card holiday.” It’s our day. I’m having a really hard time knowing that this is the first Valentine’s Day we will have spent apart since we met. It feels like a part of me is missing. Well…I guess a part of me is.
We knew when I came here that I would miss not only Valentine’s Day, but Leon’s birthday as well. But, we also knew that this was the only month all year when I could make this 28-day stay in Kerala work. Now, enough of the pity party — onto the good news.
I am officially done with the ghee! Hallelujah! Evidently, there are three saturation levels to look for: the low point, the optimal point and the maximum point. I was at the low point yesterday morning, before my last dose of ghee. Sometime yesterday afternoon, after my last dose of the ghee, I blew right past the optimum point and slid into the maximum range. Honestly, I could have lived my whole life without that particular set of symptoms.
I got a metallic taste (like copper or iodine) in my mouth, and became incredibly sensitive to smells. Everything seemed to make me sick: the smell of the water in the flower vase, the maid’s cleaning supplies, the smell of my own hair, my own breath. Ugh…the nausea just wouldn’t go away. Then I started shaking and got a terrible headache. The worst bit was how hard my heart started beating…like it was trying to pump butter through my veins instead of blood; I’ll admit, that part freaked me out. Then, early evening, the diarrhea started; I ran to the bathroom 12 times yesterday. I am so grateful that this is all over with (at least for now).
The doctor said this morning that he pushed my ghee one more day so that I could feel the saturation. He was worried that if he didn’t push me to the point where the symptoms were severe, I might always wonder “Did I go far enough?” He figured being really sick for a day was worth my having the certainty that I had done all I could. I laughed out loud and told him I will NEVER wonder if I went far enough after yesterday. Never…Ever…Ever.
The upside is that today the symptoms are much better. I am still weak and exhausted, but I have my appetite back and am ready to go on from here. Dr. Sankar said that due to the severity of my reaction to that final dose of ghee, he wants to give my body a full three days to allow the ghee to work its magic in my system. Then, we’ll have the cleansing day. That is my last really difficult day, I think. After that, everything should get easier.
It’s so pretty outside today. The weather is much cooler than it’s been. Makes me wish Leon were here with me, just so we could sit under the coconut trees together and soak up the view of the lake. But he’s in meetings all day, so we’ll have our Valentine’s-Anniversary-Birthday on the Saturday night I return home. (I can hardly wait!) I miss him so much it makes my stomach ache…Or maybe that’s the ghee.
WORDS OF WISDOM:
“The minute I read my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.” — Rumi